


I Want You, Only You

by GothicPrincessWitch



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Takes place during Legacy, Unresolved Romantic Tension, so a few weeks after That Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9962414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicPrincessWitch/pseuds/GothicPrincessWitch
Summary: Too soon after their one passionate night which ended with both their hearts broken, Fenris and Hawke go to the Deep Roads seeking answers to the Carta attack, and Hawke is also looking for answers to why Fenris left. Bittersweet angst ensues.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of a prompt on Tumblr.

The fire has burnt low, down to its embers, its glow turning the lines of lyrium into flickering pale gold as Fenris holds his hands over its dying warmth. He shivers. It's freezing this deep underground, and the markings feel like ice burrowed under his skin. Though to be fair, he can't exactly expect an ancient prison filled with hordes of Darkspawn and Taint-crazed Carta dwarves to offer the most comfortable of accommodations. The dirty and damp corner in which they've set up camp was clearly once a prison cell, and sitting here makes Fenris's skin crawl. He won't risk leaving the others unguarded in order to search for more fuel for the fire.

He hates it here, in the cold, in the dark, in the Deep Roads. He hates feeling trapped. He hates the Carta who lured Hawke here. He hates whoever this Corypheus is who desires Hawke's for whatever malevolent purpose. He hates this unspoken tension between him and Hawke.

And Hawke won't stop staring at the vibrant red silk around Fenris's wrist.

As Fenris is shivering again, a blanket is draped around his shoulders, and Hawke drops unceremoniously to the ground beside him.

"I can keep watch for a bit," suggests Hawke with a shrug too nonchalant to be believed. "Give you a chance to get more sleep."

Fenris shakes his head, keeping his gaze pinned to their tiny, nearly dead campfire. He doesn't dare glance at the man beside him, the man who can completely disarm him with one smile. The man who stripped him bare of all his defenses and worshipped every inch of him. The man who pleaded with him not to leave. The man who makes his broken heart ache with a yearning for something he cannot have.

"I appreciate the offer, but no, thank you," murmurs Fenris, keeping his voice low so as not to awaken Varric and Sebastian. He wraps Hawke's still warm blanket more closely around himself and breathes in Hawke's scent, that perfect aroma of warm sandalwood and cinnamon which feels so grounding to Fenris.

"I can't sleep either," Hawke admits with an understanding nod. He tries sitting as comfortably as possible on the cold, hard, disgusting stone.

They sit stiffly side-by-side in silence for a while, Fenris unable to look at Hawke, though he can feel Hawke's piercing golden-brown eyes on his wrist -- or more accurately, on Hawke's favor tied around his wrist. Fenris knows the question that's coming, and he braces physically for the impact like an oncoming slap.

"Fenris," Hawke begins, his voice tender and far too gentle, and it cuts at Fenris's heart because he doesn't deserve to be spoken to with such affection.

"Please don't ask me about that," Fenris cuts him off. Hawke moves closer to him, but Fenris flinches away from his touch, and Hawke's hand falls away as if burned.

"I don't understand," says Hawke, and Fenris hates the plea in his voices, hates that Hawke is begging him. "Is it Sebastian?" asks Hawke, gesturing to the slumbering priest. "You two have become rather close as of late."

Green eyes wide in surprise, Fenris turns to his former lover at last. "No," he replies firmly. "I want you. Only you. There could never be anyone else."

"Then why? I want you too. I love--"

"Wanting you doesn't change what's broken in me," says Fenris bitterly, interrupting Hawke again before this wonderful and infuriating man goes too far. "Everything I feel for you does not and cannot change what I am and what's wrong with me. Wanting you doesn't make me a whole person, Garrett, and you deserve to be with a whole person, not someone like me who cannot be un-hurt."

Hawke's jaw is clenched, but Fenris is aware that Hawke's anger is not directed at him. He turns away again, back toward the fire just in time to witness the tiny flame nearly die out but then sputter back to life stubbornly. Fenris doesn't have to look back at Hawke to know his golden eyes are soft and warm with the love that Fenris does not deserve and cannot accept.

"I don't want to lose you," murmurs Hawke at last after another long moment of silence.

"I am not yours," Fenris says, "but my sword and my friendship are at your disposal, whenever you need."

The light of the fire flickers out, plunging their camp into darkness, and Fenris is starting to tense as Hawke says, "There's no one I'd rather have at my side than you, Fen, in whatever way you choose."


End file.
